The Island of Misfit Toys, A Christmas Me.

Merry Christmas! No matter what your spiritual beliefs are, I am sending you Love and Cheer. I placed a link so those who are far, or did not grow up with this film, you will have an understanding of The Island of Misfit Toys.

I cannot tell you how many times people have told me, “You are different” The description can be interpreted in many ways, some positive, or in a not so nice way. In the past I took it to mean more on the not positive side. This last year has been a challenge, both physically and mentally and it forced me to look inward more than I ever have in my life. I came to the conclusion that I have been a square peg trying to fit into a round world. We all know if you take a hammer and hit the peg with force it will go into the round hole, but it will probably splinter into many pieces at the same time. I know I cannot be sent into a cubicle in an office to work. My sister would complain about this, “Why can’t you be normal like other people and just do it?” To me, it is not normal for humans should be placed in a container. One job I was training for I lost during my probation, I could not remember to swipe the tag attached to me by a cord into the time card machine. I completely frustrated the Human Relations Department, and for people who are about relations, they were not very kind about the situation. I admit I am different, last time I was pulled over for speeding; I accepted responsibility for my error and thanked the police officer, who does that! I hate plastic shopping bags and always bring my canvas ones; if I forget them and I am in line, I will run out to the car and bring them in to be used. I park my car on the top-level of the parking garage there are many reasons to do this, first there is less chance of a door ding, secondly I am next to the elevator, thirdly, it is safer. Who goes to live in a Navajo Hogan (home) made of sand and logs, with a dirt floor, no running water or electricity, I do!

Last week in a conversation The Island of Misfit Toys came up. Afterwards I thought about the toys, they were so endearing you could not help not to love them. Who did not smile because the train had square wheels, or by the spotted elephant, what about the bird that could not fly however it could swim? I am broken too! There are some parts that are worn and my arm cannot wind around like it used to. This year I accepted being “different” I no longer view the trait in a negative way, in fact I embrace it! Now I can even thank the person whom acknowledges my unique character. I am happy to be part of the family that makes up The Island of Misfit Toys; it is my Christmas present to my Self.

56 Different Jobs and Counting

In my world, I seem to question EVERYTHING. Most thoughts are simple, for example, when I use a public restroom and I wash my hands and need to dry them, the paper dispenser is placed high, so when I reach up the water runs down my elbows. If there is another woman in the restroom for some reason I feel the need to share this bafflement, and usually a discussion begins. Over the years I have come up with scenarios of why the dryers are placed so high. My first scenario, the worker, probably a male, and males are generally taller, places the dispenser at his height. Secondly, if the bathroom is new construction, I believe the installer follows the plan, and then the designer is to blame. After I think about the hand drying debacle, my next thought, if the restroom is large, like in an airport I wonder why there are ten sinks placed in a row, with the dispenser at the ends of the counter. After washing your hands and they are dripping with water a choice needs to be made, either one shakes their hands and the mirror becomes spotted, or  walk with your hands out and let the water drip on the floor. What baffles me more, why have ten sinks and only two hand dryer dispensers? If all sinks were being used one would have to wait in line to dry your hands. Just reading this wears me out, no wonder my brain sometimes just needs to rest. My intention was to write about jobs, and I have been side tracked by thinking about paper towel dispensers in public bathrooms.  If you are wondering how I went from jobs to towel dispensers, I thought of my last job and the first thought that came to mind that it was ridiculous that we clocked out for a  15 minute break but it took 7 minutes if you walked fast to reach the restroom.  Maybe tomorrow I will try again to write about what it is like to have had 56 different jobs.

Help Wanted

Help Wanted

Searching for employment should be no laughing matter, however, these days reading ads on various job boards gives me an opportunity to smile and many times fill me with joy!. Today with the internet there are various ways to search for a job. Company websites, job search engines, and then there is Craigslist. There is never a day it has failed to disappoint me, one can find some interesting jobs, and it has been a successful source for me. Back in the day, newspapers had employment listings that consisted of maybe 15 words. The majority of time one would find the company name, a brief description of the job and a phone number, it was straight forward, you knew what you were applying for, today that is not a given. The employment process is about screening a potential company/employers, will you be a fit? Would you want to be a fit! Living in a city with one of the highest unemployment rates in the country, multiple part time jobs become a reality, any job source is welcomed and there are many opportunities to earn money. Living in Sin City brings many opportunities! The following are all jobs I have seen.

This is the job that inspired my blog. “Dog poop scooper job. Long term position. This job entails driving around the entire Las Vegas valley to remove dog waste from clients’ yards. Must be dependable, on-time, and able to work quickly in cold, heat, wind, rain, and holidays…. This job is Monday through Friday and you start at 6am everyday” Where do I begin? Yes it must be a long term position, dogs do poop all the time. OK, I am dependable, and on time. Yes I can work quickly and in the cold. Running fast when it is 110 degrees outside during the summer could be a little more difficult. I can pick up poop in the wind, I have to admit, I have never tried it in the rain, that could prove to be a little more difficult. Holidays! You mean on Christmas day a client would expect me to pick up dog poop? I would be in someones backyard picking up poo, and wondering what they are thinking, and questioning myself why I chose to pick up dog doo while they are inside enjoying a wonderful meal. This job does start out at $10 per hours, and if I “doo” a good job, I would get $11. That is not a bad deal. Now let me see if I am qualified.

Qualifications:

1. You must have your own dependable pick-up truck and valid Nevada drivers license

(I am already disqualified! I guess having a pick up truck would be advisable, since it seems I will be hauling the dog doo! My first question, how come the owner does not want their dogs doo in their trash? My second question, does my potential employer have a trash bin, or am I responsible for disposing of the dog doo? Third question, if I put it in plastic bags, I wonder what it will smell like on a hot day. Fourth question, if I really wanted the job would they require me to have a truck? I am almost tempted to call and ask. )

2. Legally able to work in the U.S.

(Yes, I am a citizen)

3. You must have a cell phone and daily access to email.

(Yes, I have a phone, I am happy to know I will not need an iPad to check my email during the day, as this would be a lot of money to spend for this low paying job)

4. Be able to lift 50 pounds

(They said dog poo! What would I be picking up that requires me to lift 50 lbs!!!)

5. You must speak at least a little English

(Qualified. What if the owners only speak Spanish? Will I need to know a little Spanish? That could be a selling point, I can speak a little Spanish!)

6. You must not be scared of dogs

(What if it is a mean dog? Can I be scared?)

7. Age 50 and over are encouraged to apply if you are a good worker and can work at a fast pace.
(I know more over 50’s who are dependable worker’s and are quicker than their younger counterparts. )

I think you can see why I am amused looking at ads. If you are not amused, please stop reading.

Here is another ad.”Personal assistant on adult video set. Simple, fun part time job with female producer.” OK, it is Sin City! I wonder what one would do being an assistant? No wages listed. There was another position for a Personal Assistant. $20 per hour, now that is a great wage when you need no experience! They will train you! That is more than the accounting position that was offered and you need a Bachelor’s Degree. I just wonder why the potential employer requests a picture. Maybe I will send one when I first wake up in the morning, or maybe the one of me when I was on a camping trip! The camping pic will show that I can work under many conditions and I am a happy person.

This is one way to earn $100! I don’t have to work, and it is legal! I am posting this ad, just as it was written.

I need someone with a valid nevada license and a registered car with insurance.
(OK, I am qualified!)

I have a schedule for a driver’s test at 1130am Saturaday (Saturday is a good day, I am available, I just wish they spelled it correctly. I guess even with spell check they disregard suggestions, but they want to use my car)

I need someone to go with me to DMV and let me use their car for a driver’s Test (You want to use MY car! What if they are a bad driver?)

I would prefer a small to mid size automatic car. (Now they are getting a little picky. Do you want it to be a Mercedes too?)

The car must meet DMV standards such as having a front license plate, no cracked windshield, working lights, blinkers, horn, seat belt, etc.
(Duh, I would hope no one was dumb enough to bring a car to the DMV that is not legal)

Please email me I have a valid nevada permit and no accidents on my record of 10 years of driving.
You have been driving for 10 years without a license and now you want to drive my car!)

my license expired and I have to take the test.
(There was a period after the word driving, so now I am relieved you only let your license expire)
willing to negotiate price if I get no other offers.)

I still have questions about this person. Why don’t they use their own car? Do they not have any friends? They are even willing to pay more money to borrow a car. Maybe I should offer mine for $500 in case they drive it away so my insurance deductible will be met.

Here is my last one, “Wanted, ambitious guy to come to my house and Wash, Wax, and polish my Honda S2000. I have the necessary equipment including a random orbit waxer/polisher. If you don’t have wheels and live fairly close to Durango and hwy 95, I could pick you up, bring you over to my house and then drop you back off at your home after your all done. Please let me know what you would charge to do this job for me.” This one must have been written by a cougar!

I hope you enjoyed “Help Wanted” In fact, after writing this, I have been inspired to take it further, I am not sure where, but it will become part of my life journey

On Being A Dog Owner

I finally became a dog owner. I had dogs throughout my childhood, and loved them all. After all these years I felt I was responsible enough to own one, and I no longer have those urges to move across the country and start a new life on a whim. Yes, it is a change, my life now revolves around that scruffy white ball of fur. Gone are the days when I would take off for the gym, and come home 10 hours later because I become distracted by all the other things I need to do or want to do. All because I have to get home and make sure Henry did not chew up anything and he needs to be fed.

I want to make sure I give him the best and I try to be a good master. I decided to make the Henry homemade dog food. I Googled, I researched, and came up with rice, chicken, and vegetables. I would make a batch that would last about 10 days. Three day portions, then the rest was put in 3 day containers to freeze and use. This was such a production, and I felt satisfied that his nutritional needs would be met and I would never have to worry about ingredients. After 10 days of “loose stools” I gave up. He looked relieved when I opened the dry kibble and mixed it with broth. Treats. All dogs need treats. I am a label reader and I did make a decision not to buy products from China. I was in one store, and every product, with the exception of one came from China. Off to a pet store where I paid twice the amount for his chew toys, but I felt better knowing I had given him something I knew in my heart was safe

Which leads me to my next dog ownership “duty“ for no better word, poo. I cannot figure how a medium small dog can produce and leave so much. Not that I keep track of his output, it needs to be picked up before the gardeners arrive or the leaves do not get blown if poo is in the midst. So, at least once a week, the gloves and the ziplock bag comes out and I pick it all up. The dog trainer mentioned timed feeding=timed pooping. Well for the most part it really does work, he goes in the morning after breakfast. However, in the afternoon, I can pack up the dog, go for a ride, and what does he do upon exiting the car, he begins the humping motion to poo. He never does it in a convenient place, or around people who seem forgiving. It is like he does it to humiliate me, or perhaps it is a dogs sense of humor. I never imagined I would be walking after a dog and picking up poo. I used to laugh to myself when I saw people do this, and now it is me .

Then there is exercising the dog. My agreement with the adoption agency was that I would take the dog for walks, which I enjoy. Then a woman I met on the walk was appalled that we had not been to the dog park where he could run free. This left me guilt ridden so off to the dog park. I carefully read all of the posted rules on the fence and there we were. Henry does like to chase the other dogs, but lately, he would rather sit next to me on the bench or follow me as I stroll within the gated boundaries. He had a couple of negative experiences where smaller dogs nipped at him, and he did contain himself but he was not too happy. I learn a lot from the dog park people. I listen to their stories of vet bills that run in the thousands. I pray that Henry remains healthy and does not accrue a large vet bill. I explained to him I do not have insurance and he will have to rely on Dr. Google if something goes wrong. So, with those words I told him not to run in the street and get hit by cars, or fight other dogs.

I love the joy and happiness that Henry brings to my life. He is part terrier and sometimes I call him a terrorist. He has torn into the trash, ripped up sheets and pillows, but when you look at him as he slinks away there is still love in my heart for him. He does not mind his occasional bath and puts up with the lightly scented shampoo and then smells like a girl. He does not shake until I dry him with a towel, it is another thing to appreciate. I love it that Henry sleeps on the foot of the bed and patiently waits till I open my eyes to leap all over me, it is a delightful way to start the day. All I have to do is look at my dog, or even a picture of him on my phone, and I smile from the inside out. Yes, I love Henry with all my heart and soul.

Mansion Chicken

Last night I had Mansion Chicken. I have decided to boycott Mansion Chicken and Mansion Vegetables too for the rest of my life! What is Mansion Chicken? It is the price one pays for a very overpriced portion of chicken. Chicken that is so expensive, it must have been raised in a mansion to have that kind of a price tag. Come to think of it, I do not even recall my recent experience with Mansion Chicken to have been organic! What do I consider expensive? Let me explain, I am willing to pay for a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken WITHOUT a coupon. (Before you judge me, It is a once a year indulgence.) I have been known to buy a whole organic chicken to create a wonderful meal, I do wince at the price. I will buy a whole package of chicken without it being on sale. I do not have a problem paying for a fair portion of food. How much was my Mansion Chicken? $9 dollars for two Satay sticks that were ½” wide, by 3 ½” long.

Living in a destination spot with clubs that celebrities frequent can be fun, and a little indulgent. Some of the perks that locals have are free admission to these venues, and open bars. The event I attend on Thursdays is free wine tasting’s, and each week they are held at a different venue. Most of these clubs offer the patrons half price appetizers or they have a special menu to offer the members. This particular place, and I will not name, but the Kardashian’s frequent when they come to town had a special menu. The price seemed fair, and we thought after we could go somewhere for dinner if we were hungry. We decided on the Tempura Vegetables for $4, and the Satay Sticks for $9. The price was a little steep, so we decided to ask the Playboy looking Russian waitress how many Satay Sticks came on the plate. “TRREEEE” she responded. We nodded our heads, and we could read each others minds that afterwards we will be going out to forage for food, because I know I would still be hungry. Our Mansion Chicken arrived, served on a china plate, a cloth napkin and engraved wooden chopsticks, however there were only 2 pieces. We questioned the waitress, who then sent over the manager dressed in a suit with an ear piece. He told us normally the appetizer is $13 , this special price we paid was $9, therefore we would get 2 pieces of Mansion Chicken. My friend told the manager she would not have ordered it if she had been told there were only 2 pieces. He remedied the situation by sending us another plate of 3. We were satisfied, 5 pieces for $9 was acceptable. We did laugh that the chicken was barely warm, so we decided at that price the Mansion Chicken, was still a disappointment.

Do not get me wrong, I realize there is a difference in eating from a street vendor versus paying the price for ambiance. I also expect perfection in service, preparation and presentation for Mansion Chicken and other foods. There is a fine line in the price point. For me, the dish must have some special flavor, presentation, or something that would not be easy to replicate at home. So, I will not order a simple appetizer, I am boycotting overpriced foods of any kind, from any place. My friends words will forever echo in my mind, “That chicken MUST have been raised in a mansion to be that expensive.” before I order from an expensive restaurant.

The Prophet

The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. It is reflective writing weaved into a fantasy that is beyond brilliant. It touched my soul and need to find Orphalese, the place I always search for… My history with the book has been interesting. I remember clearly the day my sister who was in high school was dating an “older” guy, he was 19, a hippy with wild red tangled hair. He gave her the book as a gift. I only looked at the cover, and being 4 years younger I thought she would join the Hare Krishna’s and I would see her dancing at an airport.

Years passed by, and as I got older I would find the quotes by Kahlil and I was always touched by them. Somehow the book never came across my path until I was in my late 30’s. I was taking a stress management class at the university and it was a selection on our reading list. It was divine intervention. Living in a remote area, and an LDS dominated region I did not expect to find the book. Someone suggested that I ask friends if they had copies. I asked at a party, the generation range as from people in their 20‘s the oldest one 86; this woman said she had the book, I went to her home and we searched and it could not be found. She commented how many times she read the book and found a meaningful quotes to use in a cards and writings.

I eventually ordered a used copy. It arrived, it was a 1948 edition. The book is set in Original Old Style , the paper is textured, yellowed, the binding is loose telling me it has been read many times. Inside, the cover, “To Elsa, from Mabel 1948” with a quote from the book. I often wondered who they were, and what inspired Elsa to give Mabel the book. My copy is now 63 years old. How many people have held this particular book? My mind wanders, and it never fails to come up with scenarios over the decades. I have read it in times of joy, and in times of sorrow, and the book never fails to comfort my soul.

You may wonder why I chose to write about this book. It has been setting on my desk, as I have needed it to find solace in my pain. It’s black binding and gold lettering resembles a Bible to me, and yes, it is like my Bible, and guide. Today I noticed a stamp, “Used Book” My first thought, how unfortunate that someone stamped this book, it could be valuable, and with the stamp it would lessen the value. My thought process gently transitioned, and I smiled, realizing, yes, this book is used, and valuable.